Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
