Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
