its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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