Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
