yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
