ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
