I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
a search helicopter?!
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
