Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
