Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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