Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
