Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
