I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
