i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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