I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
