Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
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