Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
