The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We are two peas in an std pod
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
