she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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