Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
