just come out here and I will go home with you...
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
