wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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