dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
