ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
