Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
