never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
