So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize