He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You were trust falling into bushes
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
