I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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