I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
