so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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