I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
