Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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