...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
