I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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