I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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