2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
