Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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