I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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