At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
