In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
