In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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