I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize