I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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