I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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