Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
