70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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