3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Randomize
