but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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