is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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