So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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