remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
