the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
