I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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