I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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