I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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