You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
