I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
