They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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