i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
