My brain says no but my pants say off.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
