Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
