I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Let's paint friendship bongs
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
