ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
That's when you crack a 10am beer
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
