She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
