he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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