I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
