I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Randomize
