They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
