I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
