My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
