When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
