just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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