Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You can't special order awesome
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just want nice things and good sex
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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