she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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