i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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