Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
