I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
