we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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