Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
