I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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