ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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