We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize