oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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