I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
