P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
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