nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
