i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
