I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
