I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
