Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
