I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
