Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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