that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
