i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
