Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
