girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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