he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize