tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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