so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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