it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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