my soul wont recognize me after tonight
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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