hotel room ftw
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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