hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
