Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
