I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
