If that was your dad, he is hot
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
