they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
