there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
