Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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