i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
