So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
babies were throwing up all over the place
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
